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Could You Be Abusing Someone on Behalf of a Narcissist?

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Today is World Narcissistic Abuse Awareness Day. Yes, believe it or not, it is a real thing. And it hurts.

We are all good people, right? At least, deep down, I hope we believe that; I mean, what person would intentionally, consciously, go out of their way to hurt and destroy another human being?

We probably have all been in contact with a narcissist at some point in our life. Maybe a boss. A friend. A neighbor. Or like me, even a member of your own immediate family.

Narcissists are very smart and calculating. They have had to be; they have been doing this for a very long time. They are self-absorbed, controlling, intolerant to others and their needs, and insistent that others see them as they wish to be seen, even though their front is a façade. “Victimized narcissists” can say hurtful things, but if you dare say something back to defend yourself, you are the enemy and considered abusive. There is no sense in debating with a narcissist; they will shift the blame at all costs. They will never see things through your eyes; they are incapable of reflection or feeling empathy. For this reason, sadly, they don’t have the conscious insight that we do to know that they exhibit this behavior.

Narcissists will suck the life out of you and leave you struggling to breathe. Narcissists don’t care that they pit one family member against another, even sibling against sibling if the narcissist happens to be a parent. Yes, the most excruciating pain is the reality that moms and dads can also be narcissists, leaving their children sometimes hating each other. And the one that dares to speak out to this abuse is left feeling defeated, battered, and bruised by the people they love most in this world even though the wounds are invisible to the naked eye (which is another reason why innocent people get caught in the trap of defending the narc).

And if the relationship becomes so intolerable with a narc that you are forced to make a painful decision of quitting your job, moving, ending a friendship, getting a divorce, or even going low or no contact with one or both of the people who brought you into this world, you become public enemy number one; the narc will attempt to destroy you and your reputation at all costs.

“Narcissist’s will DESTROY your life and erode your self-esteem. They do it with such PERSUASION that you are left feeling like YOU are the one letting them down.”

A narcissist’s public persona is very important to them, which is why they don’t publicly attack you—that would make them look bad. Instead, they carefully choose people in their circle to be their puppets. The narc delivers believable-sounding lies to sympathetic ears, ones that can be easily manipulated. Of course, very decent, loving, caring individuals can be caught in the trap of the narcissist and innocently become what is called “flying monkeys.”

A Flying Monkey? Up until a few months ago, I had never even heard the term. But I felt attacked from all directions and so on my quest to understand and survive this abuse I found this in Wikipedia and finally it all made perfect sense. The complicated pieces all came together in my mind: “Flying monkeys is a phrase used in popular psychology mainly in the context of narcissistic abuse. They are people who act on behalf of a narcissist to a third party, usually for an abusive purpose. Flying monkeys are distinct from enablers…. Enablers just allow or cover for the narcissist’s (abuser’s) own bad behavior.”

This is a phrase made popular by the movie The Wizard of Oz—the Wicked Witch sent her flying monkeys after Dorothy and her friends. In most cases, it is a humorous way of saying “Don’t make me come after you.” But there is nothing humorous about being hated and harassed by a flying monkey on its mission to destroy an innocent person. It is unfair, cruel and causes more pain to someone that is already struggling.

So, beware.

You may be a flying monkey if:

You find yourself believing gossip, even though the facts don’t add up.

You are an adult, yet you take sides, instead of staying impartial.

You are mad, stop speaking to someone and possibly hate someone else who has done nothing to you at all.

You accept someone’s version of the truth although you have no first-hand knowledge of the story.

You believe that the one you are defending is the only one deserving of sympathy.

You are overly involved, feeling the need to defend at all costs.

You are attacking someone else over something that quite frankly is none of your business.

And what should you do if you are on the receiving end of this hatred and smear campaign either from a narcissist or their flying monkey?

It is easier said than done sometimes, but keep calm and do not engage. DON’T ENGAGE. The narc is looking for you to react. It gives them fuel. Strength. Power. And they hate nothing more than the silent treatment, as they are then not getting their narcissistic supply.

Breathe. Ignore it. Read books and articles on narcissism. See a therapist. Write. Cry (it does make you feel better). Cry some more if you have to. Heal. Keep breathing.

Live a beautiful, healthy, productive, and happy life and don’t look back. Narcissists hate that and it does make them angrier. But don’t do it out of spite; do it because you are entitled to that. You are. And never let anyone make you feel guilty or beaten down or ashamed that you choose to do what is best for your life.

We are all responsible for our choices and behaviors and the consequences. Knowledge is a gift and you can always change. Say sorry. Forgive. So, if you believe that you have unintentionally been used by a narcissist as their flying monkey, what you do with that knowledge is up to you.

But know that, moving forward, what you do now IS intentional and conscious.

Jodee Prouse is a Sister. Wife. Mom. Friend. And outspoken advocate to help empower ACOA’s through their journey of life; trauma, truth, addiction & breaking free from family chaos to live YOUR best life. She is the author of the powerful memoir, The Sun is Gone: A Sister Lost in Secrets, Shame, and Addiction and How I Broke Free. To learn more visit www.jodeeprouse.com

Author of the powerful memoir The Sun is Gone: A Sister Lost in Secrets, Shame and Addiction and How I Broke Free. Outspoken advocate to help eliminate the shame + stigma surrounding Addiction + Mental Health. Visit www.jodeeprouse.ca or follow on instagram @jodeeprouse

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Crime

UK finally admits clear evidence linking Pakistanis and child grooming gangs

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Quick Hit:

After years of denial and political cover-ups, the UK government has formally acknowledged a disturbing link between Pakistani-heritage men and child grooming gangs. A scathing new review has prompted Prime Minister Keir Starmer to reverse course and launch a full national inquiry into the widespread abuse.

Key Details:

  • The Casey Review found “clear evidence” of Pakistani men’s overrepresentation in grooming gangs and accused authorities of ignoring the abuse to avoid accusations of racism.
  • Home Secretary Yvette Cooper confirmed over 800 historic child sex abuse cases will be reopened and prosecuted where possible.
  • The Labour Party and Prime Minister Starmer were previously opposed to a national inquiry, with critics calling this reversal a politically motivated “smokescreen.”

Diving Deeper:

The British government has finally acknowledged a link between Pakistani-heritage men and the grooming gang epidemic that has plagued communities across England for decades. The admission comes following the release of a damning public review led by Baroness Louise Casey, which uncovered years of institutional failure, racial sensitivity, and political cowardice.

Home Secretary Yvette Cooper presented the findings in Parliament, confirming that the Casey Review had “identified clear evidence of over-representation among suspects of Asian and Pakistani-heritage men.” She condemned the systematic rape of vulnerable girls—some as young as 10—and the authorities’ “unforgivable” failure to act.

“The sexual exploitation of children by grooming gangs is one of the most horrific crimes,” Cooper said, noting that too many warnings had been ignored over the last 15 years. She announced that the government would adopt all of Baroness Casey’s recommendations and reopen more than 800 historic cases.

Prime Minister Keir Starmer, who previously dismissed calls for a national inquiry as “far-right misinformation,” abruptly changed course over the weekend and agreed to a full inquiry with legal authority to compel testimony. This reversal followed mounting pressure from campaigners like Dame Jasvinder Sanghera, Elon Musk, and Reform UK’s Nigel Farage.

Labour MP Sarah Champion, once ousted for raising alarms about Pakistani grooming gangs in her Rotherham constituency, welcomed the inquiry. “There’s a real sense justice has not been handed out fairly,” she said, accusing officials of failing victims for fear of “causing offense.”

The Casey review also pointed to illegal immigration as a contributing factor and called for mandatory ethnicity data collection in child exploitation cases. Critics argue that authorities in Labour-run areas turned a blind eye to the abuse—some allegedly in exchange for votes—treating white working-class girls as expendable while shielding perpetrators.

Former detective and grooming whistleblower Maggie Oliver expressed skepticism, warning that unless the inquiry is led by Baroness Casey, it risks becoming another whitewash. “This is about gross criminal neglect at the top of policing, at the top of government, at the top of social services,” Oliver said.

While the inquiry marks a long-overdue step toward accountability, some warn it may be politically perilous for Starmer. As former head of the Crown Prosecution Service, he held a central role when many of these abuses first surfaced. And with many of the cover-ups tied to Labour councils, the fallout could deepen public distrust in the party.

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Business

Carney’s Honeymoon Phase Enters a ‘Make-or-Break’ Week

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From the National Citizens Coalition 

The National Citizens Coalition (NCC) is sounding the alarm on a critical week for the Carney government, which, despite enjoying an unearned honeymoon in the polls, has delivered zero results for everyday Canadians. As the G7 summit looms large and the House of Commons prepares to adjourn, this is a make-or-break moment for Prime Minister Mark Carney to prove his government is more than empty promises. Canadians are watching, and the NCC is calling out the glaring failures that threaten a grim summer of economic decline, and continued crime, chaos, and rising unemployment.

Housing Minister Gregor Robertson Caught in $10.85 Million Scandal

Recent revelations from Blacklock’s Reporter expose Housing Minister Gregor Robertson’s attempt to conceal $10.85 million in personal property investments during Commons questioning. This shocking lack of transparency from the minister tasked with addressing Canada’s housing crisis raises serious questions about his integrity and ability to prioritize Canadians struggling with skyrocketing costs. While Robertson dodges accountability, and Carney apparently scoffs at providing housing relief to millions suffering under a Liberal-made crisis, young professionals and young families are wondering if they’ll ever have a chance to own a home bigger than Canada’s much-maligned supply of ‘dog-crate condos.’

The NCC demands a full ethics investigation, the resignation of Gregor Robertson — who, as one of the architects of the Vancouver housing crisis, should have never been handed this file to begin with — and immediate action to restore trust in this critical portfolio.

Pipeline Delays and Provincial Obstruction Threaten Economic Growth

The Carney government’s inaction on pipelines is stalling Canada’s economic potential. Despite promises of “nation-building projects,” British Columbia and Quebec continue to block and veto critical energy infrastructure, with Carney failing to assert federal leadership. His vague talk of “consensus” and “decarbonized” barrels has led to zero progress, leaving Alberta’s economy in limbo and Canadians facing higher energy costs. With no clear plan to advance projects, the government is squandering opportunities to create jobs and secure energy sovereignty. The NCC urges Carney to act decisively this week to break the provincial logjam and deliver results.

Immigration Chaos: Lena Diab’s Unchecked Honour System Fails Canadians

Immigration Minister Lena Diab’s reliance on an ‘honour system’ for millions of temporary visitors with expiring visas is a recipe for disaster. As Canada grapples with unsustainable immigration levels, Diab’s apparent plan for millions of temporary workers and failed ‘diploma mill’ attendees assumes compliance without enforcement, ignoring the high-propensity for fraud, and the ongoing and urgent strain on housing, healthcare, and public services. The Liberals’ Strong Borders Act promises reform, but its loaded with unnecessary overreach and vague measures.

A lack of urgency leaves Canadians vulnerable to further crime, chaos, closed emergency rooms, high rents, and failing infrastructure. With immigration continuing to spiral out of control, the NCC calls for concrete action to drastically lower immigration targets, expedite deportations, and prioritize Canadian citizens and the record amounts of unemployed before the House adjourns.

Canadians Deserve Results, Not More Hollow “Elbows up” or “Team Canada” Rhetoric

This week’s G7 summit in Alberta and the impending House adjournment are the Carney government’s last chance to show leadership, before an undeserved summer break for a government that will be overseeing deepening economic decline, rising crime under a refusal to tackle catch-and-release bail, and growing unemployment. Canadians cannot afford another season of unfulfilled promises and unchecked crises. The NCC demands Carney use the G7 platform to secure trade stability, meaningful energy deals with our allies, and table a federal budget to address the cost-of-living crisis made worse by inflationary Liberal spending. Failure to act now will cement an early legacy of inaction and leave Canadians to endure a prolonged period of hardship.

“The Carney government’s honeymoon has been built on hype, not results,” says NCC Director Alexander Brown. “From Gregor Robertson’s hidden millions, to stalled pipelines, to an immigration system in continued disarray, Canadians — and particularly young Canadians — are being let down. This week is Carney’s chance to prove he can deliver beyond the lies that were told to placate a portion of the electorate at the polls. If he fails to act, the economic decline, the crime and chaos, will only worsen, and everyday Canadians will pay the price.

“True Canadian leaders like Alberta Premier Danielle Smith are in attendance at the G7 along with Carney. If actual acts of ‘nation-building,’ and not more net-zero de-growth, do not come naturally to the PM, he should turn to those who have never wavered in their quest to make life more affordable for the hard-working citizens they are privileged to represent, and who know when to get out of the way to allow Canadians to prosper. More of the same internal, ideological sabotage from the Liberals cannot ruin this dire moment for Canada’s rebirth and recovery.”

The NCC calls on all Canadians to hold the Carney government accountable. Join us in demanding transparency, action, and results before the House adjourns and the G7 summit concludes. Together, we can fight for a stronger, more prosperous Canada.

About the National Citizens Coalition: Founded in 1967, the NCC is a non-profit organization dedicated to advocating for individual freedom, lower taxes, less government waste, and a stronger Canada. We hold governments accountable and fight for the interests of everyday Canadians.

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