23andMe; The True Meaning of Family

I had seen ads many times on my Facebook feed from 23andme, and I have wanted to do it for a long time. The kits offer ancestry breakdown and personalized health insights which have always intrigued me. After all, from the depths of my core, I believe nothing is more important than family.

My desire to know more might be hard for someone to understand, looking from the outside. My god, some people on the inside don’t understand either. They might ask, “How can someone who professes to love her family be estranged from so many of her family members?” From my perspective, I lost my dad, my mother, my sister, and my brother due to alcoholism even though some of them are still alive.

My mom and dad married just before I was born in 1968. After having my brother and my sister, they divorced when I was eight or nine, due to my father’s problem with alcohol. My brother, Brett, my greatest friend, became another alcoholic branch on our family tree and lost his long courageous battle with addiction and mental illness when he was 39.

I had a relationship with my parents and sister until well into my thirties. Not a perfect one, as relationships within the walls of families can be challenging, but a life that included them. I loved them all very much. Even so, our immediate family unit dissolved under the stresses of my brother’s addiction as well as many unhealthy family patterns and blame-shifting. It all became too much.

My brother alone is responsible for his alcoholism; our reaction to it was never his responsibility. For many reasons, including my wellbeing and that of my husband and my two young sons, I made the painful decision to love my father, mother, and sister from afar. I ceased all contact more than ten years ago.

Through years of therapy, I worked extremely hard to be healthy and happy. I had spent too many decades making poor decisions and looking after other people. Finally, I found the courage to look after the needs of my own family first—my husband and sons. And I am most proud to say that I finally looked after myself; I responded to my own needs. That wasn’t and isn’t selfish. For my own mental health it was necessary.

I have always known my dad’s side of the family came from England, as we are all very close, but my excitement and hope in ordering the 23andme kits was to learn a little more about my mother’s side of the family. Growing up I only ever met my mom’s parents, her sister, and that sister’s children, my two cousins. I never met, nor did my mother ever mention, any of her aunts, uncles, cousins, or even grandparents.

My husband of 30 years, Jim, agreed that it would be amazing to learn more about where our families originated. He knows his family came from England too, whereas I was excited with the possibility of knowing where my mother’s parents came from. I had been close to them, as were my brother and sister, but we lost our grandparents when we were still young. My nana died from dementia complications when I was only 18, and my papa died when I was around 25 or 26. I feel blessed that Papa got to meet and spend time with his two great-grandchildren, Rick and Ryan, before he passed away.

Last November my husband and I opened our kits, filled the little tubes with saliva, and sent them off in the mail. I waited. And waited. And waited some more. I was so eager to get the results, like a kid waiting patiently to open a Christmas present, and I was disappointed when they didn’t update the information on my online portal as quickly as they had originally promised. Finally, the results arrived on January 15, 2022. I was a little sad as the data seemed a little vague. It confirmed that my relatives came from England, yet there wasn’t much other information. I was looking to know more about my nana and papa, maybe something more exotic, but I suppose that is where their families originated too.

So, after looking it over and analyzing my health data I logged out of my 23andme portal and I doubt I ever would have thought more about it or logged in again.

I was at work just a few weeks later, on February 7, when my phone beeped with an email that had a 23andme logo: “Hey Jodee, My name’s James Dodds and 23andme says that we may be half siblings. My dad, Jim Dodds, was from Ponoka so I am wondering if that’s the connection.”

I was completely calm as I read and responded within ten minutes to this unexpected news. I know everyone is different, but for me I have experienced firsthand how my body and mind reacts when being in shock. After all, I remember clearly when two police officers came to my front door in the middle of the night to tell me my brother had taken his own life. When I shared it with my husband that evening and with my two adult sons, now 29 and 31, they didn’t quite comprehend what it could mean. I knew instantly, not because I could have ever imagined such a thing or that there was a hint of some deep dark family secret, because there wasn’t. I live now, as I did as a young child with my parents, very close to Ponoka, Alberta. This wasn’t someone emailing me from halfway across the world, this was 20 minutes away. DNA doesn’t lie.

The initial shock had worn off by that evening. Random visions started going through my mind, causing floods of tears. My fully clothed dad saving me from drowning when I walked off the edge of a pier during a summer vacation when I was probably five years old. My grandma’s face—it sits in a beautiful frame in my office. Big Tisdale Christmas get-togethers with everyone from my dad’s side of the family at my house. My earliest memory of looking inside eggs with a red light with my grandfather when I was three or four. Being the oldest grandchild. Memories and tears. More memories and tears. And finally, my dad’s siblings—Uncle Les, Auntie Myrna, and Auntie Mary—all of whom have stood by me and supported me through my life’s journey. Never, not once, judging or condemning me or taking sides when it came to my complicated relationship with my father. They have loved me unconditionally, while loving their brother too. I LOVE my family.

Along with the tears came the overwhelming sense of disbelief and pain. My heart has been shattered.

My whole life flashed before my eyes. I knew my mother was pregnant when she got married to my father and since the whole marriage wasn’t blissful, we never talked about any other details after they divorced. As I tried to unwrap all my feelings, not knowing whether my mother lied or took her best guess and married my dad, I had no feeling of rage when I texted her: “I would like to know please your connection (and/or relationship with a Jim Dodds). I don’t need a long story. I don’t need contact with you. Just a simple one or two sentence answer. I would appreciate if you could get back to me within a day as this is time sensitive. Thank you.”

I am aware that this would come to her as much of a shock after 53 years as it did to me. But our estrangement complicated matters and her shock isn’t my responsibility. So, once again, I waited. And waited. And waited some more. It seemed like days, but in fact it was the next morning when I received a reply from my mother: “The only Jim Dodds I ever knew, I dated someone with that name when I was 18.”

I was already sure it was true. He is my biological father.

I don’t think anyone would ever blame me if my initial reaction would be hating my mother. You don’t have to be estranged for that. I think to myself even in the closest of families, this surprise revelation could ruin a mother and daughter relationship and cause tremendous upset. I am as imperfect as anyone, but I never react based on hate or anger. I am not even capable of feeling those emotions.

Life is full of twists, turns, losses, happiness, and hardships. I have lived through my fair share of pain, and this is no different. Pain is not a contest. We all experience it, and there are many different reactions. Sadly, often it is human nature when something bad or traumatic happens to be furious or to want to hold someone else responsible. We blame ourselves, we blame others, sometimes people blame god, but following those emotions will only keep us angry, unhealthy, and stuck in the same place. Instead, I always have a deep-seated hope for everyone, regardless of circumstance, to find the strength to follow empathy, compassion, understanding and love because that path leads to peace. Being all of those things never means that you have to accept relationships that are not good for your own health, happiness, and spirit but I never make important life’s decisions based on toxic emotions.

And so, in following with my head and also my heart, I met with my mother, the first time I have seen her face in nine years.

I don’t know the future of the relationship between me and my mom or if there will even be one. Before our visit, a lot of damage had been done that I am unsure can be reversed but I am putting all of that aside for today. As I share this revelation, I stand beside my mother as I believe her when she says there was no ill intent. She had been dating a bull rider, Jim Dodds, and loved him. But she was so young and had already experienced trauma of her own and had a past with my father. They had a daughter together four years before I was born, in 1964, who was given up for adoption. That connection was why my mom started seeing my dad again. And when she got pregnant at 19, she broke things off with Jim, and told him she was getting married without ever mentioning her pregnancy. With her whole heart she believed my dad was my biological father.

I have cried a million tears the last couple weeks, had many sleepless nights, and swam hundreds of lengths at the pool downtown in Sylvan Lake to calm my mind. And what I realized is that family is so much more than being related by blood. It is about being there for each other, through the good times, and especially the bad. It is the relationships in our lives that provide a sense of security and belonging. It is people that hold your heart gently in their hands. It is about feeling you are in a safe space, never worried someone won’t love you, no matter what you share. Family is about feeling valued, respected, and understood. It is about bumps in the road yet creating memories that are built on pure, unconditional love. Family is being able to say you are sorry when someone says you hurt them.

I am incredibly blessed to have so many relationships in my life that provide all these things and more, many of whom are friends that I wholeheartedly consider my family. We live in a beautiful world, where children continue to be adopted, people get divorced and then remarried with blended families, foster parents, surrogacy, and IVF sometimes with anonymous donors. Even same sex couples are fulfilling their dreams of becoming parents. There are many scenarios, and all of those people are no less loved, no less connected and no less family than those that share DNA. I always knew this; it just took a few days to catch my breath.

As much as my dad and I had our own challenges throughout the course of our lives, I loved him very much. This is not a win for me. I never, not once, wished for or longed for a different father. He passed away in February 2018. As much as our own conflicts and estrangement, I think this would have broken his heart.

I am still continuing to process, and my biggest source of pain and disbelief right now, is that my biological father Jim passed away on February 18, 2021, just over a year ago from cancer. He will never know that I was born. We will never get the opportunity to meet and he will never know his amazing grandsons.

There is no regret from me or desire to change the course of any of our lives, because, had my mom, my dad, or Jim Dodds known, the alternative would be worse than what we are all faced to accept today. Any other decision would change the course of so many different lives. Others quite likely would never have been born, such as my newly discovered half-siblings Jaime, James, and Jade as well as the brother I lost ten years ago. So as hard as it is to work through all of my emotions, things worked out as they should.

For me, I would never want to alter the course of fate. I love my family and was always meant to be the sister of Brett Tisdale

jodeeprouse

jodeeprouse.com/

Author of the powerful memoir The Sun is Gone: A Sister Lost in Secrets, Shame and Addiction and How I Broke Free. Outspoken advocate to help eliminate the shame + stigma surrounding Addiction + Mental Health. Visit www.jodeeprouse.ca or follow on instagram @jodeeprouse

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23andMe; The True Meaning of Family

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Is the Anger Toward Fiat Currency Justified?

Published on April 25, 2024

Todayville Content Team

Back in 2012, the Cato Institute published a paper titled The Coming Fiat Money Cataclysm and the Case for Gold. The libertarian think tank is hardly unique in its animosity toward the fiat currency system, nor was its 2012 paper wholly unique in its concepts and sentiments. It did, however, predict some of the issues we are trying to resolve today, notably inflation linked to the era of “cheap” money through low-interest rates.

Today, if you look at social media, particularly platforms like Reddit and Twitter/X, you’ll also find plenty of derisory posts about the fiat system. What’s more, we might argue, albeit unscientifically, that the backlash is growing. Some of this can be quantified. For example, there is some correlation between the rise of Bitcoin as hard money with a limited supply and
the criticism of the fiat currency system. However, some of it is not so easy to quantify, such as the animosity toward fiat currency being linked to wider dissatisfaction with the state.

But is any of it justifiable? The problem with answering that question is that there are both economic and sociological answers. The former is easier to frame, whereas the latter is not. Let’s start, though, by analyzing what we mean by fiat currency, which will help us understand its critics.

Fiat currency is effectively all money

Fiat currency is essentially money not backed by a physical commodity (gold or silver, for instance). It is, therefore, nearly all the money in existence in the world today. When you look at the trillions of dollars being traded in forex markets, it is fiat currency that’s being traded. The Canadian dollar used to be partially backed by gold, and some of its value is derived
from oil prices, but despite some arguments to the contrary, it remains a fiat currency.

So, why, then, should we criticize money? Well, it’s due to the fact that having no physical backing, such as a lump of gold or a barrel of oil, central banks and governments can print that money out of thin air. The charge against it is that printing new money creates more of it (naturally), and that eventually devalues it. You’ll often see anti-fiat accounts on Twitter/X
posting charts of how their currency’s purchasing power has declined or will decline over time. This is the economic argument against fiat currencies.

This chart shows how many years it would take for each fiat currency to lose 50% of its buying power if today's inflation rates remained constant.

The red line marks the average number of years worked before retirement.

There will be no retiring if one chooses to save in fiat. pic.twitter.com/P5CjXg5v3e

— Sam Callahan (@samcallah) April 2, 2024

However, the argument loses merit when certain factors are pointed out. Yes, the Canadian dollars in your pocket lose purchasing power over time, and that’s why you can’t buy a house for the same price as your grandparents. Yet, you also will earn a lot more than your grandparents. If something used to cost a dollar and you earned ten per hour later costs five
dollars, yet you earn fifty per hour, there isn’t really a problem. Of course, that’s just the theory, and it does not always work that way in practice.

Wages keeping up with inflation

In Canada, for example, disposable personal income has tripled since 2001. It also increased in the last quarter of 2023 (the latest period for measurement). Have wages kept up with inflation? Not always; you might look at everything from the cost of a cup of coffee to your mortgage payments to consider that it hasn’t. But the problem is not fiat currency in and of itself. It is the balance between price rises and the amount of money you earn. From the period 2019-2022, average hourly wages grew 12.5% in Canada; CPI rose 10.1% in that time. There were accelerated periods of inflation, particularly in the aftermath of the pandemic, but on balance, wages kept up with inflation.

Now, none of this is meant to say that the fiat system is perfect, nor does it suggest that the government and central banks get it right on balancing the system. But broadly speaking, the antagonism toward fiat currency tends to be more sociological than economic. In short, people are angry at the system, not fiat currency itself. Those pushing the demise of fiat currency are often anti-establishment, at least ostensibly. They are interested in concepts like Bitcoin not only for financial reasons but also because it is not a creation of the state.

Their concerns do go into other areas, such as central bank digital currencies (CBDCs), and it leads them to see the fiat currency system as one of control. How valid are those concerns about CBDCs? We would be foolish to dismiss them, and there should be perhaps a sense of frustration that the mainstream media is broadly ignoring the threat. At the moment, the official line from Canada is that there are no plans for a CBDC – yet. However, and this is important – the BoC is apparently researching the “need” for one in the future.

What would that “need” be? Could it be the control of citizens’ finances? There is an all-too-scary suggestion that this could be the route that governments take, where fiat currency becomes less money and more like social credit. You drink or gamble too much? Well, the government will freeze the money in your account until you prove you are spending responsibly. If we go into a situation where fiat currency becomes a system of control, then inflation is the least of our worries.

For some, there is a sense of a tipping point on the horizon. We have this situation where governments are constantly printing money – and taking on huge amounts of debt – and we have the specter of CBDCs. You can, therefore, understand the allure of Bitcoin and other decentralized forms of currency, although those systems in themselves are not perfect. The
question, though, is whether we meet these challenges before the tipping point is reached?

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Travel Tips for Meeting Someone From Another Country

Published on April 15, 2024

Todayville Content Team

With the rise of online dating apps and international brides site, it’s easier than ever to meet and
connect with potential partners from all over the world. While getting to know someone online
can be exciting, taking the next step to meet them in person for a first date can be thrilling but
also nerve-wracking. Planning a trip abroad to meet an online match for the first time adds extra
layers of complexity and potential challenges if you don’t prepare properly.

This article provides important tips for having a smooth, enjoyable, and safe trip when traveling
to meet an international online connection. With the right preparation and expectations, your
overseas travel can lead to incredible new adventures and deepened relationships.

Research the Destination Thoroughly

One of the key steps is doing thorough research beforehand about your date’s home country and city. This includes:

● Learning Cultural Customs and Etiquette – Study up on the local customs so you don’t inadvertently do something offensive. For example, certain hand gestures or body language could be inappropriate. Make sure you understand etiquette around things like greeting kisses, acceptable public displays of affection, dress codes, gift-giving, etc.

● Travel Requirements – Check visa, passport, and other travel requirements for your nationality. Make sure your passport is valid for at least 6 more months beyond the dates of travel. Secure necessary visas well in advance.

● Safety Risks – Read travel advisories and warnings from government sites to be aware of any safety risks or scams targeting tourists. Learn some basic emergency phrases in the local language.

● Transportation – Research options for getting around the destination, whether it’s trains, metro, taxis, or ride shares. Know options for getting to and from the airport.

● Lodging – Book a hotel or Airbnb in advance. Look for accommodations in central, well-lit areas rather than isolated locations.

Have Realistic Expectations

No matter how well you’ve connected with someone online, recognize that in-person chemistry is not guaranteed. Try not to build up fantasies about your first meeting being perfect. Remind yourself that you’re still getting to know this person.

Keep a realistic mindset about how well your different personalities, communication styles, values, and quirks will mesh in person. Be open-minded but also listen to any hesitations or doubts you feel.

Don’t rush into major commitments too quickly. Make returning home an option if you decide during the trip that you’re ultimately incompatible.

Take Basic Safety Precautions

Use common sense safety precautions, especially when meeting someone for the first time who you connected with online. This includes:

● Initially meeting in a public place like a restaurant or cafe rather than a private location. Do not agree to meet at their home or hotel room until you are comfortable.

● Avoid sharing your full itinerary and hotel address. Provide general details of the area, but not specifics.

● Check-in with a friend or family member back home periodically. Give them your date’s name, phone number, and information.

● Use extra caution if your date wants to take you to an isolated or unfamiliar location. Decline invitations that seem risky.

● Do not accept drinks you did not see poured and do not leave your drink unattended.

● Trust your instincts. If you feel uneasy, uncomfortable, or threatened, remove yourself from the situation.

● Arrange your transportation or travel by taxi/ride share rather than relying on your date for transport.

Have a Backup Plan

No matter how carefully you prepare, things may not go perfectly according to plan. Your in-person chemistry may not live up to the online connection. Logistical problems or disagreements could arise. One or both of you may decide you are not a match.

This is why it’s crucial to have backup plans in place for where to stay and how to get around if
needed:

● Book refundable flights and hotels when possible so you can change plans if needed.

● Research alternatives for places to stay, even if just a hotel to spend the night until your return flight.

● Know how to get around independently via taxi, metro, rideshares, etc. Don’t rely solely on your date for transportation.

● Have enough cash on hand for backup hotels, meals, and transportation in case of disagreements.

● Let a friend or family member know where you will be staying and meet up with them if plans for your date drastically change.

Bridge Any Language Barriers

For maximum comfort and connection on your overseas first date, try to bridge language and communication gaps as much as possible.

● Use translation apps to communicate important logistics and information before the trip. Slowly build your proficiency in their language by practicing common phrases and exchanging voice messages.

● Learn key date phrases like “hello”, “nice to meet you”, and “thank you”, etc. in their native
language. Showing effort means a lot.

● Be patient and speak slowly. Use body language to aid understanding. Avoid using complex slang or phrases they may not understand.

● Clarify meanings frequently to avoid misunderstandings. Don’t rely on assumptions.

● Have the hotel address and other logistics written down in both languages to show taxis, etc. if needed?

Overcoming language and cultural barriers shows commitment and can deeply strengthen your bond. The effort fosters openness, patience, and adaptation skills that enrich relationships.

Budget Accordingly

The costs add up quickly when traveling overseas to meet someone, especially when two people are involved. Carefully factor these expenses into your budget:

● Flights – Roundtrip international flights can easily be $1000+ per person. Try to book early for deals. Consider cheaper regional airports.

● Travel Documents – Factor in visa application fees, passport renewals, etc. which can cost $200+ depending on country.

● Accommodations – Hotels for even a few nights can run $100+ per night, or $1000+ for two people for a week. Price Airbnbs accordingly as well.

● Meals – Estimate $40-60 per day per person for simple meals to get a daily budget.

● Getting Around – Budget for trains, taxis, metro rides, etc. to get to activities and dates.

● Activities/ Entertainment – Entrance fees for museums, shows, attractions, and dates can add up too. Allocate accordingly.

● Emergency Funds – Have at least $500 extra as a buffer for unexpected changes, hotels, and meals if plans fall through.

While exciting, international travel is expensive. Carefully manage finances to reduce stress, arguments over money, and unexpected shortfalls.

Understand Visa Rules

Before you book travel, carefully research the visa requirements for your passport and the length of stay in your destination country.

● If a tourist visa is needed, apply well in advance as the process can be lengthy. Don’t risk being denied entry after booking non-refundable tickets.

● Make sure your passport has 1-2 blank pages for visas and entry stamps. Renew early if needed.

● Abide by the authorized length of stay granted with your visa. Overstaying could lead to serious legal trouble or bans from the country.

● If planning a longer visit, research extended stay or partner visas that allow you to legally reside abroad if the relationship progresses.

Trying to circumvent visa rules is never recommended. Be sure to follow proper immigration procedures and be honest if questioned by border officials to avoid red flags in the system that could jeopardize future entries.

Experience the Destination Together

Don’t spend all your precious overseas time holed up in a hotel room. Take advantage of exploring the exciting new destination together with your international date. This allows you to get to know each other in fun, active settings while creating wonderful shared memories.

Make time for activities like:

● Take a walking or cycling tour to see key landmarks

● Visiting famous museums and appreciating the culture

● Trying local flavors and dishes at restaurants and food markets

● Seeing a concert, theatre performance, or dance show

● Hiking scenic nature trails or parks together

● Learning something new like cooking classes or language lessons

Blending cultural immersion with quality time together makes for a richer dating experience. It builds bonds based on shared interests and new horizons.

Traveling overseas for an international online date is an exciting adventure when done thoughtfully. While language and cultural barriers exist, they can foster understanding.

Preparation and research are key for smooth travel. Most importantly, trust your instincts and do
not take unnecessary risks safety-wise.

With realistic expectations, budgeting diligence, and embracing the unknown together, your first
meetup can flourish into lasting love fueled by the spirit of adventure.