Inquiring minds want to know: Why did FIFA (Federation of International Fraud Artists) award American president Donald Trump a new “Peace Prize” at the Washington D.C. draw for the June/ July tournament? The usual suspects are paralyzed with rage. Everyone else is laughing at the kabuki theatre stunt.

The short answer is that if you were FIFA and you were receiving a reported billion or more dollars from the U.S. and the Canadian/ Mexican cities hosting the 48-team tournament you’d give the host more than a bottle of wine and flowers as a thank-you. Thus the ugly statue and the Boy Scout medal. The obsequious awarding of the prize and match medal were proportionate to the greed of FIFA in extorting the cash.

(America’s fainting goat media immediately complained about unearned awards for little virtue, forgetting as usual that the Nobel folks gave Barack Obama a Peace Prize after nine months in the White House for simply being a black man.)

Trump getting a peace award from FIFA, the most corrupt sports body in the sports world, is mint, however. You can’t write this stuff. (They should give it to him on a speed boat heading across the Caribbean.) The Donald then playfully suggested that Americans leave the name football to the soccer folks because, you know… feet and a ball. More outrage from NFL fans.

So what was the gift for the two Canadian cities hosting games who have also coughed up plenty? Toronto says its estimated budget is $380 million for six games/ B.C. tax payers are obliged to cough up an estimated $580 million for Vancouver’s five games). For cities with, how shall we say, bigger fish to fry.

Sadly all they got was a little farce in which a delighted PM Mark Carney was allowed to Canada as the first ball to start the picking, evidently unaware that all the balls he had to select from also said Canada.  Carney’s joy was tempered when he saw Mexican president Claudia Sheinbaum draw a ball that said “Mexico” while Trump— in on the fix— got one entitled “United States”.

In a final attempt to curry favour with the fleeced nations FIFA boss Gianni Infantino gathered the world leaders for a painful onstage selfie, marking the first time Trump and Sheinbaum had ever met in the (orangey) flesh. Call it National Lampoon’s Soccer Vacation.

Having exhausted itself with the peace prize falderol FIFA evidently forgot to put any more thought into the rest of the 55-minute run-up to the draw. While soccer/ footie fans around the world ground their teeth in impatience the organizers presented a combination Eurovision/ People’s choice Awards ordeal of failed cues, untranslated interviews (the Spanish translator showed up about 30 minutes late) and pregnant pauses.

Host Heidi Klum’s stunning gold dress nearly made up for her wooden repartee with comedian Kevin Hart (“not sure why I’m here”) and co-host Rio Ferdinand, former star English defender who, alas, never won the WC. But that was all an appetizer for the real low point, the introduction of global brand stars to pick the draw. NFL legend Tom Brady, NBA legend Shaquille O’Neal and NHL… er, player Wayne Gretzky.

Their task, hectored by the hosts, was to draw a ball, unscrew the thing, withdraw a nation’s name and so on. While there may have been some tension in the audience there was no appreciation of that on the screen as more clunking dialogue and curious pronunciations (Ferdinand kept referring to Group “Haitch”) landed dead on the floor.

The nadir of the ceremony—indeed of his career— was Gretzky’s contribution. Brady and O’Neal had managed to survive their task of unscrewing the ball and pronouncing a name, but Gretzky was brought low by the stage business of the balls and the nations he was forced to announce.

The clearly flustered Gretz (he insisted he’d practiced all morning) wrestled manfully with the balls. Finally the producers went with a long shot of him fumbling in the dark. Then he topped that.  Gretzy apparently thinks there are countries called “North Mack-a-donia” and “Cur-ack-ow.” Other stabs at geography were almost as tortured.

Bitter Canadians could put up with him sucking up to Trump (he was mentioned as being in the crowd at the DC Xmas tree lighting) but failing geography is unforgivable. The week that started with Gretzky in a photo golfing at POTUS’s Jupiter, Florida, golf course was ending with him pummelled for his abuse of nations with different-sounding names. The Wayne Gretzky Center For Kids Who Want To Talk Good.

The moral: Never send a centre to do a netminder’s job. Makes you understand why Bobby Orr has laid low since his Trump endorsement came out.

With that bracing date with immortality disposed of the draw proceeded. We had been pounded for an hour about how great the tournament was, and finally footy fans got what they wanted. As a host Canada got a bye into the field. Their reward is playing the tenacious Swiss and, gulp, probably Italy, which is forced to qualify after playing with their food for too long. (Insert your Stanley Tucci joke.)

If not Italy then one of Wales, Bosnia and Herzegovina or Northern Ireland. Oh, right Qatar is in there too as fodder. Been nice knowing you, Canada. The Americans somehow drew a creme puff quartet of Australia, Paraguay and Slovakia, Kosovo, Turkey or Romania. Money can’t buy you love, but it can get you a warm hug from FIFA.

In the end it’ll be one of Brazil, Argentina, Germany or France for the final in the NJ Meadowlands on July 19. Maybe they’ll have a spelling bee at halftime. Or maybe they’ll bring back Trump for the final game to give him another peace prize. Just don’t ask Gretzky to announce Lothar Matthaus, Bruno Guimaräes or Gabriel Magalhäes.

Bruce Dowbiggin @dowbboy is the editor of Not The Public Broadcaster  A two-time winner of the Gemini Award as Canada’s top television sports broadcaster, his new book Deal With It: The Trades That Stunned The NHL And Changed hockey is now available on Amazon. Inexact Science: The Six Most Compelling Draft Years In NHL History, his previous book with his son Evan, was voted the seventh-best professional hockey book of all time by bookauthority.org . His 2004 book Money Players was voted sixth best on the same list, and is available via brucedowbigginbooks.ca.

@PaulChampLaw So, Wayne Gretzky flew on an FBI jet in April 2025 with Kash Patel to watch the Capitals? We all make choices…

Canadians always liked to see themselves as a reflective people. Not hurried into extremes. Slow to anger, quick to act on danger. Humble guys like Wayne Gretzky or Bobby Orr.

If there’s one thing that pissed them off it was anyone sucking up to Americans. Unless… they make it BIG in the U.S.. There was a big exemption for Canadians like Gretzky or Orr or Mike Myers who went south to make a fortune. For them the standards didn’t apply. They were heroes of the nation.

Until Donald Trump. Any Canadian hero not calling him Cheeto or Orange Man Bad or Hitler can expect to receive the mark of Cain from the Left huddling in the Great White North. Anyone excoriating POTUS 45/ 47 , however, is given a lifetime hall pass. No exceptions.

As Gretzky has learned again. Sunday a new photo emerged of the greatest offensive star in NHL history playing golf with the president at his Jupiter, Florida, golf course— the one where Ryan Wesley Routh tried to assassinate Trump.  This led to the same predictable rending of garments and clutching of pearls that greeted Gretzky’s earlier declaration of loyalty to The Worst Human Being Ever®. Traitor is now the mildest description of 99 chez nous.

Give the Gretzkys credit, they didn’t disguise their decision. After Trump’s stunning (to some) win last November, Janet Gretzky cooed, “Congratulations Mr. President Donald J Trump ♥️🤍💙🇺🇸 You did it, You deserved it, you earned every bit of it. The world is a better place to have you as our Leader. Proud to be an American. Thank you for being such a great friend. May God keep watching over you ♥️🙏🏻♥️ Love our family to yours !”

The incensed Canadian left swung into action. “University of Alberta professor Robert Summers @RJSCity: “He’s been a pretty unlikable guy for a long time, this just further solidifies it. @ktownkeith: “Gretzky is disgusting and pathetic. I will celebrate when Ovechkin breaks his record. Also FYI, Mario was the best hockey player ever, not Whine Gretzky.” “People should burn all their old hockey jersey and cards of this guy. A shame”. And those were the nice ones.

The bile harkened to Orr supporting Trump in 2020. In our column at the time we noted the furious aftermath from Canadian hockey worshippers. Canadian sports media called Trump a “monster”, a “racist” and “a totalitarian”. You could heat most of the GTA with the steam emitted by their indignation at Orr having the temerity to speak out politically.

Orr has taken a low profile since, as even some in his hometown of Parry Sound wants nothing to do with him. “Poor Parry Sound,” tweeted Mary Lou George on Oct. 31, 2020. “What a disgrace #BobbyOrr has turned out to be. Guess he believes bragging about assaulting women really is just locker room talk since he wants Trump on his team. Sad.”

As with everything in the current McCoys vs Hartfields feud between the countries the venom launched at Gretzky’s decision to support Trump is underscored by the quaint notion that Canada is anything like it was when Gretzky’s 1988 wedding was a national celebration in Canada.

As the polling from the 2025 Canadian federal election showed young people are fed up with their Boomer parents’ nostalgia for the nation that smuggled the American diplomats out of Iran in 1979. They want economic opportunities and the ability to buy homes. What successive Liberal governments have given them is trans insanity, cities overrun by Hamas protesters and national debt backloaded on their shoulders.

To say nothing of Chinese infiltration of the economy and trade. No wonder they keep trying to change the words to O Canada all the time.

The decisions by Gretzky and Orr, among many expats, is partially due to Trump’s contrarian stance. But it also reflects a distance from the land where they grew up. Mike Myers and Elbows Up played on this sentimental loyalty to help Mark Carney succeed Justin Trudeau. But as more and more financial and talent stacks head south for opportunity (see Nutrien’s decision to ship Saskatchewan potash via the U.S., ignoring B.C.) it’s becoming clear that a reckoning is coming.

Trump’s brusque brushoff of Canada as no better than a 51st state was like an intervention with a friend or family member who’s gotten lost. It was a chance for self examination as we said in this 2018 column, Sometimes An Ingrate Nation.

Instead they bought the fake line that Trump would “invade” the country. Canadians lamented their treatment of “loyal old friend Canada”. But since the Iran heroics what has Canada done to help the U.S.? America has guarded Canada militarily. It has protected the trade lanes where Canadian goods are shipped. It has accepted hundreds of thousands of health patients unable to receive timely treatment in Canada’s single payer system.

It has encouraged Canada an automobile industry. It has allowed Canada’s film and TV industry subsidies. It has (so far) tolerated Canada’s dairy cartels. And it has welcomed Canadians by the millions to holiday or invest in America.

Now list the selfless deeds Canada has performed for America since Ken Taylor squirrelled the diplomats out of Tehran. Um… give us time. We sent Orr and Gretzky to the U.S. to jumpstart hockey. And all the SCTV folks. Canada also became the home for every foaming leftist in America seeking to escape Trump. Beyond that? Diddly squat.

So instead of the prolonged lamentations of the women and men and others of Canada, perhaps Elbows Up should listen to VPOTUS J.D. Vance. “And with all due respect to my Canadian friends, whose politics focus obsessively on the United States: your stagnating living standards have nothing to do with Donald Trump or whatever bogeyman the CBC tells you to blame. The fault lies with your leadership, elected by you.”

Bruce Dowbiggin @dowbboy is the editor of Not The Public Broadcaster  A two-time winner of the Gemini Award as Canada’s top television sports broadcaster, his new book Deal With It: The Trades That Stunned The NHL And Changed hockey is now available on Amazon. Inexact Science: The Six Most Compelling Draft Years In NHL History, his previous book with his son Evan, was voted the seventh-best professional hockey book of all time by bookauthority.org . His 2004 book Money Players was voted sixth best on the same list, and is available via brucedowbigginbooks.ca.